Thankfulness

This year I could sit and think of many ways that I could have tripped up and not be thankful because of situations that took place this year. I could be mad, bitter, angry, unthankful, sad, depressed. I really could be. But I am not. I AM THANKFUL. I am thankful for the many heart breaking circumstances that took place this year. You see, because of these circumstances I have drawn closer to God, closer than I have ever been.

So in May I was finally so excited to be able to say it was my turn to be pregnant. I was so, so excited. Then a few shorts weeks later we lost our baby. But I am thankful. I am thankful that I was able to carry our baby in my womb for a few shorts weeks before he/she entered into the arms of MY SAVIOR. I am thankful for that. I am thankful because after losing my baby, MY FATHER in HEAVEN carried me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I became closer to HIM. I knew I couldn't get through this without him. I could have became extremely angry at God, I could have ran fast, so super fast the other way. But then I would only be running into more darkness. Really what good was that going to do? I could have had myself a great big pity party. That wouldn't have helped either. So I drew closer to him.

A couple of months later we tried again with the help of fertility treatments in hopes to become pregnant again. Nope it didn't work. I again had a perfect opportunity to get mad, angry,bitter at God. Maybe for the first few minutes, I tried to get mad, but quickly realized that, that wasn't going to help. I am thankful for the opportunity to try for another baby. I am thankful that God held me, he held my tears and told me he would never leave me no forsake you, even in the midst of hurt and pain. I am thankful that it didn't take forever to heal my sorrow. Soon he turned my mourning into dancing! How thankful I am for MY FATHER!

Then a couple of months later was the biggest hit of all. My son, oh my precious son Urijah was taken from us in a matter of minutes. As most know he was our foster son. We had raised him for the past 3 1/2 years. I brought my son home 3 days after he was born. I love my son. Oh I love him so much. I miss him so, so, so much. After 3 1/2 years the court granted consent to a relative (who isn't legally a relative) and we had just a few short minutes to say good-bye and then he was gone. My heart was shattered. Still is. But I AM THANKFUL! I am oh so thankful for the years I had with my son. I am thankful for the joy and humor he brought to our family. The pain of losing a child cannot be put into words. The grief, the heartache, all of it just cannot be described. But I had to hold on to Jesus more than I ever had. I would not have been able to get through those first few days he was gone without my Savior. I am thankful for JESUS CHRIST and my FATHER in heaven. He was my comforter, my source to go to when the pain was to much to bare. He was/is my rock to lean on when when this world is just to much for our carnal minds to grasp, when the pain is just to much. I am thankful he is ALWAYS there even if we don't think so because things don't go the way we want. I am thankful that his path is better than the path I would choose for myself. I am thankful that I can give all my pain, sorrow, worries over to him.

Today I sit here thinking of my 7 children that are sound asleep. I am thankful for a wonderful husband. Today I have so much to be thankful for. God has blessed me so much. He has blessed me with a wonderful life. Yes it is very hard at times, but I would do it all over again for HIM.

Today I would liken you to know the Love that I feel through the Lord Jesus Christ. You see, he took all of our pain, our sorrows with him on the cross, just for us. For you and I. Right now please ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart. To dwell within you. He has promised eternal life. Eternal life in heaven will there will be no more sorrow, there will be no more pain. This life is hard, and I can tell you that I am forever thankful for my Savior. Without him, I am nothing.