Welcome to my mini home and a glimpse into my life with 9 children. 7 of my children are 5 and under so we never have a dull moment in this "establishment". My husband and I had a totally different idea of what life for us was going to be like. When I met my future husband we had the "how many kids do you want talk". I told him I wanted 8 childrena and he said no way. We negotioated to 3 children. Little did we know that God had different and bigger plans. Sit back, relax, and enjoy my circus of a life :)

Monday, June 27, 2011


Well I guess I have been coping fairly well lately. At times I get really down and sad about the whole situation. I'll be fine and then I'll get sad. Yes all these emotions happen quite frequently throughout the day. On Friday I had a really good day ALL day. I was very thankful for that. On Saturday and Sunday it was an up and down roller coaster of emotions. But I am able to get through well, I think. Sometimes I am just not sure what I feel, or how to even put my feelings into words.

I am having pain on and off most days. Last week Wednesday was pretty painful and throughout the night was extremely painful. I thought my body was doing what it needed to do for the baby, but nothing happened :/ Friday I had no pain at all and Saturday was good too. Yesterday the pain returned and today there hasn't been any pain. When I say pain, I really mean cramping pain. So we will see. If nothing happens one week from today, I will need to call my doctor.

I just wonder if I will be as excited if we become pregnant like I was this time or will I be more reserved. I want to be just as excited, but right now I am a little scared. I am putting my trust in the Lord and together we are working on that. Knowing me, I will probably jump in with both feet again and proclaim my pregnancy to everyone, just like I did this time. With so much support and love from family and friends, I want you to experience this journey with us, through good or bad.  I hope you all with be just as joyful next time, just as you all were this time.

I want to thank everyone for their support they showed us through this difficult time. It meant alot to us!!!  Thank you to two dear friends who brought dinner over for us. That was special. I also want to thank my best friend/cousin who offered to help us anytime we needed it, and said she would help with anything we might have needed help with. That meant so much to us. Also I want to thank my other cousin (S.K.) for her offering of help as well!!!!! You must understand each one of these mentioned ladies have large families that range from 4-9 children and they so graciously offered to help and they gave us so much support. WOW, you ladies are AWESOME and a huge blessing to our family. Thanks so much!!!!!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

No Air in the Room...

I literally know what it feels like when all the air is sucked out of a room in a few short seconds. I know because I was the one who sucked every ounce of air out of that patient room today trying to gain some perspective on what I was was seeing and lack of what I wasn't hearing on the ultrasound machine today. The look on my doctors face is one that I wish I can forget. I wish everything today was just a dream and I can wake up and know my baby is still cozy in my womb. But, you see it's real. VERY raw and VERY real. It happened, it's not a dream.

I have realized today that I will never feel my baby kick. I won't know if my baby was a boy or a girl. I will never hear the wondrous sound of my babies pounding heartbeat. I will never give birth to my child. My baby will not be here when they told me Jan 30, 2012.  How can this be happening???? I am again, without child, and fighting to be like all the other mothers out there who can give birth. I am no longer pregnant. Well pregnant until my body naturally does what it needs to do for this baby. For almost 10 long years I have yearned to be pregnant and my baby vanished in an instant.

I have a very real realization that life is so short and can be gone in a flash. I have gained a greater insight that my beautiful children that are with me could be gone in an instant. We aren't guaranteed life for forever. Lord forbid anything ever happen to my children. But it makes me appreciate them and love them to the very core of my being. Yes, I already do love them to the very core, but I mean this is real. We are only allotted the time our Father chooses for us.

My God was with me today. He comforted me in a big way. I knew he was there holding me along with my husband. He loves me. He loves my unborn child more than I could ever dream of.  He is an amazing Father. He knows my sorrow. I will bring him glory through this situation. I know not his plan for my life or my children's life or my unborn child's life. My baby isn't frozen anymore (if this was our embryo baby) and is rejoicing with the angels today. If nothing else, I was able to bring my baby out of the freezer and into the arms of Jesus. I wish with all my heart, I could hold my baby. To kiss his/her sweet face. To smell the sweet smell of my baby. To embrace my baby, I have longed for, for so many years. Not this time, I won't have that chance with my baby, but I know my Jesus is doing all of that for me. I can't explain why I won't see my baby this side of heaven, but I do know that I can take comfort in my Jesus as I grieve this tremendous loss. So I wait again.

I can with a slight smile say that I was pregnant for at least 6 weeks. I was able to experience some pregnancy things. And with that I can say thank you Jesus for allowing me 6+ precious weeks with my little one. I pray and ask for your comfort and to bring me peace in my situation.

Until next time.....


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Fountain Time

Yesterday we had a fun time at the water fountain near our house. Unfortunately I have no pictures as my camera seems to be broke. I will post pics of our time there last year so you all can see the fountain. It's not what you might think of when I say fountain. This thing is massive and it is for kids to play in. The best part: It's free :) We had a wonderful time despite the fact that I am extremely  sun burnt. Thank goodness my kids didn't get burnt.

Everything seems to be going great with the baby(ies). I am officially 3 weeks pregnant today!!!! I am still feeling really good. I do still have some slight nausea, but it certainly isn't bad at all. I am still feeling cramps throughout the day that I really don't like . They feel like menstrual cramps and I hate that. At least it only last for a few seconds. I am so not complaining, I just don't like the cramping feeling that has plagued me for so many years and I want it to stop. But I guess I can look at it this way: baby is growing :). Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day. We get to see how many babies are in there. I can't wait. I will for sure update and let everyone know!!!!! WOW, my very first ultrasound EVER!!!!!!!! It's so surreal!!!! I am still in awe that I have a baby(ies)growing inside. I have so waited for this. Thank you Jesus for blessing me with this/these baby(ies). I don't think I will ever be able to thank you enough for this miracle or the miracle of my other children. Lord, You heard me many,many years ago while I was still just a little girl that I wanted to have a large family. I didn't know that at the time you would mold our family the way you have. You have given us so many miracles. I love each and every one of my beautiful children. I had no idea at the time that this would be the way you would bring my large family to me. I know you heard my request as a young girl and you had the perfect plan to increase our family. Now as we have one more child to adopt through the foster care system, you now have blessed me with another miracle growing inside of my womb :) You are an amazing GOD. Yes I will say this, I do hope you still plan to increase our family as you choose. I would love more. It would be my honor to raise children for your glory and raise mighty children of God. To raise warriors for your kingdom and to populate this earth with God fearing children.

I hope to start uploading pics to this very boring, no pictures blog lately, hehehe. No but really I do want to to start adding pics. My camera is on a Sabbatical or on strike or something. It's just not working right. So please understand that my blog might be void of pictures still :(  Thanks for listening to my rambling today!!!!